Brazen by Julia Haart

Author:Julia Haart [Haart, Julia]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Crown
Published: 2022-04-12T00:00:00+00:00

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We knew that we couldn’t stay in Atlanta forever. We were both concerned that if our kids stayed in these out-of-town yeshivas, they wouldn’t get the right shidduchim (marriage matches). And then, when Southern Energy, the company Yosef was working for, failed, we knew it was a sign that it was time to move back to Monsey.

Back in New York, Yosef started working at an energy company founded by a frum Jew, and this time he got a piece of the company. I was torn between excitement at being back and fear that the days of stringencies would return in full force. We also needed to find a house, and in the end, we chose one that was just a stone’s throw away from my parents. I fell in love with the house because it was on the very edge of the community, and there were ten acres of forest right next to it, which offered a modicum of privacy from nosy neighbors. And it was close to Starbucks, which my community now frequented, as the coffee and some of the pastries were kosher. My Starbucks obsession began then and has lasted till this day. It was a symbol of the outside world just on the edge of mine, and it was fucking delicious.

As much as people assume that my awakening was somehow instantaneous, and that one day I just woke up and decided that I was finished, that’s not how it happened. It took over twelve years from the day Miriam was born until I left. There were a thousand gradual steps in between while I lived inside the community. I slowly became less and less fundamentalist. I still kept every single law, but I was done with the chumros and the extras. I wanted to live in the frum community, but it was no accident that I chose a home on the edge, as close to the outside world as I could get. I don’t think I was aware of this dichotomy at the time, but looking back now, I know it was my unconscious way of starting to connect to the outside world. I was on the cusp.

And how I loved that house! It was over six thousand square feet, and it was totally new construction—not even a year old. The rooms were spacious, and there was a gargantuan jacuzzi in the master bathroom that almost made me swoon the first time I saw it. My very own jacuzzi in my bathroom—how very decadent. And the kitchen. It was only partially completed, so I got to finish it myself, and I chose a soft light wood, stained to look like it was very old. It lent the kitchen such a delightful air of coziness and warmth. The kitchen was definitely the center of the house. Since I spent so much time cooking, everyone would congregate in the kitchen, and the kids would do their homework or play with their friends and swipe tastes of whatever it was I was making.

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